Help me see what You see

We've got a little over 4 months and we leave for Kenya again. It's almost been a year since the last trip and that in itself is so hard to believe, sometimes it seems like yesterday but then when I'm  thinking about it and getting excited and yearning to return it feels like another life time. There's a journey for each of us when we say "yes" to what He's called us to do. It starts with the praying on whether or not He wants you to go on the trip and when you hear His answer, that's when the wheels start turning. 

When I prayed about going on this trip the answer was an immediate "yes", I honestly can't recall ever having an answer so quickly on anything I've ever prayed about. Over the next couple of months after registering for the trip I would occasionally ask Him again during my quite time if I should go on this trip but I know why I kept asking for assurance, it was my lack of faith that I was worthy to go back. I remember one Monday morning this past December when I asked again and what I heard was this, "Stop asking me, I've already said you should go, now go I've got something to show you." It was said sternly and decisively in a way any good father would address his child when they keep asking for something over and over again. So after hearing that I came to the resolution and submitted to the fact that I'm supposed to be on this tri and the overwhelming weight of uncertainty was lifted and I was at peace about going.

Wait! What did He mean when He said He has something to show me? I've been blown away by Him telling me this and in anticipation I've been attempting to wrap my mind around what would my loving Father would have to show me but in doing so I'm not allowing the room He needs to work. So I've stopped trying to figure it out and over these last couple of months my prayer has been for me to have eyes to see what He needs me to see, I want to give it all to Him and have Him break my heart for what breaks His. I didn't have that "ahh ha" or "God moment" while we were in country last year, no my "God moment" happened after we came home, and it rocked me to my core. So my advise for anyone who has said yes to following God on a journey such as this, you need to go with no expectations. Go with and open mind and an open heart and ask Him to show you the something special He has in store for you and be prepared that you may not know or see it until you return home.

I know I've only been there once, but there's no denying that I'm sold out. I am so in love with the Kenyan people and the country that it feels like home and the reality of our time till wheels up has become more tangible in the last couple of days. I'm beyond excited and incredibly thankful that He has given me the opportunity to serve the people of Kenya and to serve the people, my family, on this team this coming July.

I have no doubt that He's going to show up and show out on this trip, He's done it before and will do it infinitely more times again. I can't wait to go home.

The Journey to becoming

I'm going to document the journey I'm on so that I can share with others who care to follow but also to keep record for myself of the process because I want to remember each of the steps it took to go where God has called me be. Some of these ramblings may be short, some may not, some may be read and some may not. It's going to be my thoughts, my fears, my joys, my heartbreaks, my struggles and my victories. Everything during my journey of becoming someone's mom.

3.3.2018 - Today was my first all day class in getting licensed to become a foster mom, I was a little apprehensive because I don't do well for in structured settings for long periods of time, I lose attention, get antsy and get bored quickly. In today's class there were 33 other people going through the same process, most were married couples and there were 4 single women. The instructor had a good sense of humor and taught well which made the time a little easier to deal with. While we touched on many subjects today the focus was on the different types of traumas the children may face and best practices approach on how to handle. We also talked about the fact that we need to have a community, a tribe or a village...whatever you want to call the group(s) of people you need to have to support you in this process. People who will walk with you, be there for you in times of need and love you when you're finding it hard to love yourself. 

While we were discussing placements, someone had spoken up and told her story how when she was fostering previously, she had a very supportive group around her during her first placement and then that child was returned home, a couple months went by and she had her second placement and the same people who were there at the time of need during her first had abandoned her during her second and my heart sank. I got nervous at the thought that what if that happened to me? I know He has prepared me for this journey and I know He'll never leave me.  

 

This is only the beginning of the classes with a few more to go, a couple more documents to be filled out and in-depth home visit has to be completed then once that's all done all that's left to do is wait on the state to approve the license. 

Praying for baby M, whomever he or she may be for safety and health. Your mommy loves you.