I grew up in the Episcopal and church there was comfort in knowing what to expect on a weekly basis, the ritualistic movements of the service from the procession of the choir, the acolytes and the priest to the liturgical flow of the service which doesn't change greatly from week to week. It gave worship a rhythm of familiarity to those who attended on a regular basis.I sang in the choir, not very well but did it with heart and I served as an acolyte but I before I took a step to do what I feel now was my calling, I walked away from the church. I left. Adios. What do I need church for? I was grown, so I thought, and made the decision that I didn't need this "place" anymore. I had removed myself from what I grew up knowing and I was gone for a long, long time.
About 10 years ago I moved to South Carolina and finally found my little spot of dirt on this earth to call home and I've found my church. A place that my soul calls home, a place where I can move on what I've been called to do. During the years between leaving the church and finding my way back I struggled deeply and painfully and made bad decisions and had relationships with bad people. But in the midst of where I was I can now see where God was in it through the entirety. He never left His daughters side no matter how far I strayed or how many ridiculous decisions were made, He was there pulling me out of the dire straights, dusting me off and giving me another chance. Many chances given in grace.
Jeremiah 1:5 says "Before you say the light of day, I had holy plans for you." WOAH! He's saying He's already got it figured out He's just waiting for you to listen, act and be obedient to your calling. When I sat in the church all those years ago in the uncomfortable wooden pews it was laid on my heart, He gave me my holy plan. I want to be brave enough to travel the unknown path and learn what I'm capable of because of Him. The obstacles that I created myself in my past did NOT prevent me from my calling but have prepared me for it. I want to run towards my purpose without hindered feelings. I want to be in ministry.
Lord I don't know what being in ministry looks like but what I do know is that I surrender. Help me to remove me from me. Help me to find that little voice inside that says " there, that's it. That's why you're here." Help me move out of my comfort zone, make me uncomfortable for You. Help me to see the needs through Your eyes Lord and use me to minister those who You've put in my path.
Ephesians 4:1
