Vunerability, it happens

I'm going to be completely vulnerable because I need to write about this. Writing because I need to lay it down, pour it out and let it go. When my mom told me on January 30th that she and my dad would be moving back to FL in the next couple of weeks I was devastated, confused, angry and heart broken. I didn't understand how it came up so quickly, less than a month prior they had an offer on a home not to far from where I live but they had backed out of the contract due to inspection issues with the house...so I thought the search continued and it did, just not here. 

I'm starting in the season of my life where the foster classes are starting to pick up and the final paperwork is being sent in so I can become a licensed foster mom. I'm also praying ceaselessly that if it's the Lord will, that He allows an adoption through a foster. So my day dreams of my child running around grandma's and grandpa's back yard playing in the red dirt under the pecan trees while I sit on the porch with my mom and dad sippting our iced tea and our continuing the tradition of Sunday family dinners came to a halt.

I was at my parents two weekends ago just a couple of days after they had told me they were leaving and we faced time with my brother, sister in law and my niece. I sat back and watched my dads face light up grinning ear to ear and listened to him cooing at the little squishy faced angel, my mom was doing the same and it made me realize that they have the opportunity to see her more often, watch her grow up and be part of her life in ways now that they can't be while they're here.I found myself hating how I was responding to the new reality, I was being selfish there's no question about it, I wanted them here. 

Their plan was to leave this past Sunday and I had prepared my heart for their departure. I went to visit them on Saturday to say my "see ya laters", get my hugs and kisses and pray for safe travels. I drove away that night knowing I'd see them in a couple of months because we were planning my nieces birthday trip for the family. Little did I know that the following day after church while I was standing in Aldi buying lemons I would get a call from my dad asking me to drive my mom to Florida...that day. My mom, my rock, my confidant was in need and I needed to help. So I quicky made arrangements for my four legged babies to be watched and off I went. Honestly, my first reaction was anger. I was angry because I knew that I was going to have to say goodbye all over again and it was going to be as hard if not harder because I had no time to prepare and the last thing I wanted to do was drive them away from me. But GOD! 

What a blessing it turned out to be. My drive down to FL with my mom as my co-pilot was amazing. We listened to a few of the tunes that she raised me on, Carol King, Simon and Garfunkel, Randy Travis, Led Zeppelin and my favorite, James Taylor. It brought back good memories, memories of which I wouldn't trade for the world. We talked about Kenya and fundraising, we talked about work and life possibilities. We enjoyed each others company and I got one more day with my parents and I'm incredibly thankful for Him creating that opportunity.

God knows I need my family and while they're just a days drive away I know that they're all in one spot and I can visit whenever possible. My response of being devastated, confused, angry and heartbroken was repaired by seeing the faces of my parents when they saw their grandchild and hearing the hope in their voices when they talk about their future in FL, I would never want to take any of that away from them, I want them to be happy!

I know I'm not alone here because God has prepared a community for me well before any of this happened, He was not surprised by these circumstances. It's been an emotional rollercoaster these last couple of weeks, but I'll lean on this, one of my "go to" versus. Exodus 14:14

Through perseverence

We've all been tested through trials and tribulations. You don't wake up in the morning having thought today I'll start in the valley, I haven't had a good, rough run at it lately...do you? I doubt it. Having to go through them  and to overcome and triumph that's what makes our lives interesting. It's how we handle the darkness of being hidden in the valley that allows the true light to shine. If you're a believer and have faith that God has a purpose in everything, then you'll understand there's a purpose for the valley, although I can almost guarantee that when you're there, you can't see it. What then do we do when we push though and persevere through each tribulation, trial or heartbreak? We fall, we fall to our knees and thank the One who provided the light among our feet, the One who turn our valleys into mountain tops. Lets go for a walk...

A couple of days ago I was broadsided by some information that had brought me to my knees, my walk on the top of the mountain came to a halt when there was a forced detour came along and dropped me into a canyon. I know that sounds quite dramatic, but when it happened it felt just like that. I had lost my footing, the safety net was gone and all I could see was the ground racing towards me and remember how it hurt and felt the last time. It caused me to retreat, pull into myself and the devil has his way with my thoughts for about 24 hours. But I can tell you that our GOD is mighty to save, He is my rescuer and provider. I believe when the prayers of His warriors are laid down at His feet, He moves. He moves in ways we can't comprehend. He shows compassion and comfort and works miracles for those whom He loves, His children. The ground while it raced towards me, my fall was softened by the catch of my Saviors loving hand. Someone wise told me that "God wasn't surprised by this development." and she was right. Our trials and tribulations while its difficult to see the other side when you're in midst doesn't mean that He doesn't have a plan to show you out.

In a matter of the last couple of days, I've seen Him work in ways only He can and while there is still pain from the fall, I know deep in my heart that what will come of this is good and if His ways are followed and the if the path that we walk is lit with His lamp we will come to the mountain top again. I must persevere.