I'm starting in the season of my life where the foster classes are starting to pick up and the final paperwork is being sent in so I can become a licensed foster mom. I'm also praying ceaselessly that if it's the Lord will, that He allows an adoption through a foster. So my day dreams of my child running around grandma's and grandpa's back yard playing in the red dirt under the pecan trees while I sit on the porch with my mom and dad sippting our iced tea and our continuing the tradition of Sunday family dinners came to a halt.
I was at my parents two weekends ago just a couple of days after they had told me they were leaving and we faced time with my brother, sister in law and my niece. I sat back and watched my dads face light up grinning ear to ear and listened to him cooing at the little squishy faced angel, my mom was doing the same and it made me realize that they have the opportunity to see her more often, watch her grow up and be part of her life in ways now that they can't be while they're here.I found myself hating how I was responding to the new reality, I was being selfish there's no question about it, I wanted them here.
Their plan was to leave this past Sunday and I had prepared my heart for their departure. I went to visit them on Saturday to say my "see ya laters", get my hugs and kisses and pray for safe travels. I drove away that night knowing I'd see them in a couple of months because we were planning my nieces birthday trip for the family. Little did I know that the following day after church while I was standing in Aldi buying lemons I would get a call from my dad asking me to drive my mom to Florida...that day. My mom, my rock, my confidant was in need and I needed to help. So I quicky made arrangements for my four legged babies to be watched and off I went. Honestly, my first reaction was anger. I was angry because I knew that I was going to have to say goodbye all over again and it was going to be as hard if not harder because I had no time to prepare and the last thing I wanted to do was drive them away from me. But GOD!
What a blessing it turned out to be. My drive down to FL with my mom as my co-pilot was amazing. We listened to a few of the tunes that she raised me on, Carol King, Simon and Garfunkel, Randy Travis, Led Zeppelin and my favorite, James Taylor. It brought back good memories, memories of which I wouldn't trade for the world. We talked about Kenya and fundraising, we talked about work and life possibilities. We enjoyed each others company and I got one more day with my parents and I'm incredibly thankful for Him creating that opportunity.
God knows I need my family and while they're just a days drive away I know that they're all in one spot and I can visit whenever possible. My response of being devastated, confused, angry and heartbroken was repaired by seeing the faces of my parents when they saw their grandchild and hearing the hope in their voices when they talk about their future in FL, I would never want to take any of that away from them, I want them to be happy!
I know I'm not alone here because God has prepared a community for me well before any of this happened, He was not surprised by these circumstances. It's been an emotional rollercoaster these last couple of weeks, but I'll lean on this, one of my "go to" versus. Exodus 14:14
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